Thursday, December 01, 2011


You should've said Tauntaun

Everyone has a theory about how people are all separated by one thing and I have my own. I proffer it to you now.

The world is separated by people who love Star Wars and people who don't. Yes it pains me to say that there are people in this world who have never seen or hate Star Wars.

If you aren't sure about that guy/girl in your life,ask them how they feel about Star Wars. Ask follow up questions. For ex: Who lives on Dagobah? People who hate Star Wars often hide the fact that they hate it because they know that they are vastly outnumbered and that we Star Wars lovers will choose to not mate with them in the hopes of killing off their kind! Okay, that's a bit harsh but I think it perfectly explains my point.

Two weeks ago I was found myself in a unique situation. I was outnumbered by Star Wars haters! I was sitting at my local sports bar watching some game when a couple who approached the bar and landed next to me. The woman was leaning into the man and he had his arm around her and said in a sympathetic voice "you need your Tom time". What I heard was "You need your Tauntaun". Now I know that I should've said nothing since I don't know these people but I couldn't let an AWESOME saying like that just go by without being appreciated.

I turn away from my game and tell him that I think that's an excellent use of Tauntaun and they both look at me like I'm some scruffy looking nerf herder! They explain what he actually said and I apologize. There is a beat of awkward silence and then the question "What is a Tauntaun?" My response is very basic "I was referring to Star Wars". Now I understand, there are plenty of people who have seen Star Wars and enjoy it but don't necessarily know the name of a Tauntaun so when they commented not remembering that from Star Wars, I just explained that it was from Empire Strikes Back. More blank stares.

I then say the animal on the cold planet. That's as basic as you can get. They then go oh....look at each other shrug and give me two looks. From the girl, I get the pity stare. You know the one, the one that your mom gives when you're still single in your 30s. The guy looks at me like he's having trouble focusing. I think that I blew his mind by simply liking sports AND Star Wars. I don't think they've ever intersected in his mind as being interests that one person could have.

Very shortly after that they scampered out.

Star Wars is the great divide. And he should've said Tauntaun.

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Or you could have just kept pushing it and demanded they tell you the difference between Tatooine and Dantooine. They'd have been in tears.
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